An Argument for Creationism or No Paucity of Douchebags


I have to tell you that it's not paradise here. We have morons here, too. It's just that there aren't as many of them but those that we have are trying harder to be more annoying. There's also, I suppose, a certain freedom in knowing that you are blazing a new trail of douchebaggery, going where no asshat has gone before.

I'm riding my bike home from the gym and I turn down a quiet street so that I can ride though the park. The school on the street, a church school, is letting out for the end of the year.

If you look back at the stuff I've written, I should have learned by now that people can be especially dopey around schools. It should be no surprise. But every time I've gone by there and it was any kind of school event, it's a madhouse. 1/4 the madhouse as in Tarzana, but there are fewer folks around.

So I'm tooling down the road on my bike. And here comes a woman holding hands with her son.

Awwwww.

Walking down the middle of the street.

And by "middle of the street" I mean, middle of the traffic lane. You know. Where the cars go. Because it's a street. The kind that cars drive on.

And it's not like we're in the boonies. This is a populated suburb of over 100,000 people. And the streets are paved and there are sidewalks. The kind people walk on.

And the mother sees me coming on my bike, trying to get around a minivan and not go into the lane of oncoming traffic.

You know. Following the rules of the road.

And she does nothing. Except keep walking.

So I have to swerve into the other lane. Or, you know, run over the woman and her kid, and I say:

"Walking down the middle of the street with a kid is not a good idea."

And she says:

"I'm putting my kid in my car. LOSER!"

Yes. A church school. Apparently First Church of Satan.

Darwin was wrong. There is no way a single being isn't watching over the lives of people like that. Especially after I saw her loading her kid into the minivan on the street side.

Because, you know, it would be too much trouble to actually walk around. Or cross at a walk. Or even cross not at a walk but close to your car.

COPYRIGHT 2010 by Shaun McLaughlin

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

THE LAST DAY IN PARADISE

Image
“ Isn ’t it cold there?” She asked me. “Colder than it is here,” I said. I was standing outside my son’s Third Grade classroom in Woodland Hills, CA [1] , waiting for him to let out so I could put him in the car and drive twenty minutes to wait outside a motel for my daughter’s middle school bus. I was talking to one of the other mothers. I say “other mothers” because many people think I’m a real mother – but perhaps the context is a bit different. “Does it go below freezing there?” She asked. We were talking about the fact that my house was on the market and I was moving my family out of Los Angeles, likely close to my hometown of Buffalo, NY. “Well, sure. I mean, it snows. It has to go below freezing.” She looked at me for a long time, obviously cogitating over the my weather report. “Don’t you die?” “Sorry?” “If you go outside and it’s below freezing --- don’t you die?” I like to tell the story of when I was working in Montreal. The first day I was there the
Read more

Home Inspection -- The Final

“Well, she’s worried about this beam…”, Tripper said, continuing on about the apparent danger in the garage. “Stuff’s been up there since before the Martin Luther King Day Earthquake, Tripper,” I said. “The only time I went up there was to pull a door down to see if I could fit it on to take the kids’ door with us.” “What?” “We’ve been measuring their height on the door since they could stand. Seemed like a good thing to take with us.” He looked through the papers on the house sale agreement. “I don’t think we have an exclusion on that.” “It wouldn’t work,” I said. “The door didn’t fit and it started to seem like too big a thing. But the point is, I pulled the door down and nothing fell.” “Well, we’ll have to get it looked at.” “The agent’s trying to screw us, isn’t she?” “Well, she’s…” “It’s okay. Just say it. We’re in a corner and she’s trying to take advantage of us.” “They’ve got someone coming out to look at the garage. Okay?” I knew he was serious, be
Read more