It's Not Tundra

So if I have been homelss before, I don't remember it. But between closing on what I like to call the marriage house (but it used to be just "my house") and moving into what I call our house (that is where my son and I live), there was a 6 week period where we were homeless. Me, my son, and our dog. The other house was not closing because I was working with a mortgage company representative who seemed to be an absolute wizard at losing paperwork. In fact, the only thing she was better at was blaming other people from losing paperwork. That keep us in limbo. Luckily, our realtor had a condo she was referbushing and it was empty. She very kindly let us stay there and we did what we could to help. But... We couldn't leave the dog alone, because he's a needy little bitch and barked insessantly when he's alone. He's my dog. I love him. I care for him. But he's a needy little bitch. He's also transspecies, but that's a story for another time. Y...

I’ve been a little busy the past few years. You know, mid-life crisis, divorce, destroying a cherished family life… And then there’s what I have been doing. So the kid and I got a house. It’s different from the house we moved into after we left California. Smaller. Older. Not in good shape. Filthy. I mean I didn’t buy it because it was filthy. And I wouldn’t say it was a fringe benefit. But it does give me something to do and a new hobby. Cleaning. People don’t really look at it as a hobby. And they’re right. It’s a pain in the ass. But a bigger pain in the ass is living in a house with ¼ inch of grime on the windowsills. I know. Because I did it. So I bought a new house. I don’t know that it’s ever been cleaned. It’s Not Tundra: The Sequel.

http://www.mi2n.com/press.php3?press_nb=144690

Check out Bullpen Comics http://youtu.be/j_ZbS7tO__M

If you have Netflix, please put my new movie Gene-Fusion in your queue. Sure it'll be available 5.10.11 on iTunes, Time Warner on-demand, Playstation Network, XBox live, in stores, on Amazon, at Blockbuster and just about every other way, but just because of that, and because I produced Batman Beyond, Justice League and God Knows what else, and just because the director, Francois Brisson has done hundreds of episodes of international television hits and because it's been invited to a film festival -- Netflix...they want proof. Thanks.

Trying to think about how to best continue this, since I'm pretty much out of moving stories. I put a bunch together in book form and was told by an agent that it seemed I was "trying to hard to be funny" which, after several successful night at a couple of large comedy clubs lead me to believe that this agent is "trying to hard to be smart". So I guess for the next bit, I'll be indulging in a little stream of consciousness chafe trying to get to the wheat (is that trying too hard?) Too many projects going on. The movie version of Cheapjack Shakespeare is limping to a start date, my new play "Internal Continuity" will be staged this fall. "Bullpen Comics" is getting some attention and may have a second life. But there is a lot of waiting around. Also, I think I have a sugar hangover from Easter. Too much candy. That's what agnostics do. That and wonder a lot. I mean, what if he was only NEARLY dead...? Also, tired of "Zombie Jesu...

...to become a motion picture...

http://cheapjackshakespeare.com/THE_BULLPEN.html

CHEAPJACK SHAKESPEARE: THE NON-MUSICAL Breaks Records Opening Weekend 2010/09/11

http://www.youtube.com/user/CheapjackShakespeare

Well, for starters... http://www.youtube.com/user/CheapjackShakespeare

I have to tell you that it's not paradise here. We have morons here, too. It's just that there aren't as many of them but those that we have are trying harder to be more annoying. There's also, I suppose, a certain freedom in knowing that you are blazing a new trail of douchebaggery, going where no asshat has gone before. I'm riding my bike home from the gym and I turn down a quiet street so that I can ride though the park. The school on the street, a church school, is letting out for the end of the year. If you look back at the stuff I've written, I should have learned by now that people can be especially dopey around schools. It should be no surprise. But every time I've gone by there and it was any kind of school event, it's a madhouse. 1/4 the madhouse as in Tarzana, but there are fewer folks around. So I'm tooling down the road on my bike. And here comes a woman holding hands with her son. Awwwww. Walking down the middle of the street. And by ...

Some thoughts after flying across the country to move. You try to teach your kids good manners,but sadly, the rest of the world doesn't want to help... The behavior on commercial flights has changed since my father insisted on a coat and tie to fly coach. It is not well known that Lindbergh flew his legendary trans Atlantic flight togged up in white tie and tails. Memoirs of barnstorming pilots would include passages about flying biplanes in top hat with his platinum tipped walking stick doubling as an especially dashing aileron control. Sad to say, these standards no longer apply even to first class cabins, let alone steerage. Please allow me to offer a few humble suggestions to make air travel a more pleasant experience. Do not berate TSA employees for their lack of speed. Most of them are honest, caring, hardworking people dedicated to ensuring our safety. The rest are mildly retarded and may cry if confronted. Such behavior will result in a cavity search and proper standards of...

Here's the kind of story you just don't see on the news around here... http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2010/06/porn-actor-goes-on-rampage-at-video-production-office-1-dead-2-wounded.html Of course, most stories here do begin with "The Buffalo Bills today..."

People are surprised at the woman who greeted President Obama with "You're a hottie with a tight little body," when he went to lunch at Duff's in Buffalo last week. Me, I'm just happy she didn't greet him with "Gee, you're a good-looking colored guy."

Free Venison This is apparently the guy that goes with my "My Deer" post.

I've turned into one of those neighbors my mother would hate. I don't play loud music or get into fights with my family (well, I do, but I try to hiss my anger between my teeth instead of yell). I don't have a barking dog or a big 8 bore hobby car that I rev late at night and drive people crazy because I am insecure of my penis size and need to compensate by making lots of noise. But I do clean. I cut my lawn. I trim. I edge. I use a leaf blower. These were things that, in California, we'd hire people to do but here I/we do 'em (I get the kids out there). Part of it was that in CA they were cheaper and we didn't have that much to do. Here we got screwed by the first company we hired (they just stopped showing up after cashing the cheque) and the other companies --- well, let's just say that there's one called "White Collar Landscaping" and I think they're more white collar criminals. Perhaps the people who did the lawn in CA were illegals...